TO MAKE A WOMAN HAPPY ----A MAN NEED TO BE .:

1. A friend
2. A companion
3. A lover
4. A brother
5. A father
6. A master
7. A chef
8. An electrician
9. A carpenter
10. A plumber
11. A mechanic
12. A decorator
13. A stylist
16. A psychologist
17. A pest exterminator
18. A psychiatrist
19. A healer
20. A good listener
21. An organizer
22. A good father
23. Very clean
24. Sympathetic
25. Athletic
26. Warm
27. Attentive
28. Gallant
29. Intelligent
30. Funny
31. Creative
32. Tender
33. Strong
34. Understanding
35. Tolerant
36. Prudent
37. Ambitious
38. Capable
39. Courageous
40. Determined
41. True
42. Dependable
43. Passionate
WITHOUT FORGETTING TO:
44. Give her compliments regularly
45. Love shopping
46. be honest
47. be very rich
48. Not stress her out
49. Not look at other girls
AND AT THE SAME TIME, YOU MUST ALSO:
50. Give her lots of attention, but expect little yourself
51. Give her lots of time, especially time for herself
52. Give her lots of space, never worrying about where she goes
IT IS VERY IMPORTANT:
53. Never to forget:
* Birthdays
* Anniversaries
* Arrangements she makes
&
HOW TO MAKE A MAN HAPPY:
1. Leave him alone
- Be happy -
- Work hard -
- Enjoy life
WOW ----WHAT A HERO , BUT SHE DESERVE , SHE IS THE QUEEN ,.YOU
NEED
THOUSAND OF MEN TO GUARD AND MANAGE A CASTLE , BUT ONLY ONE WOMAN
TO BE THE MASTER OF THE CASTLE .

Some Late Night Jokes

A whistle blower at British Airways has revealed that the airline has flown dozens of nearly empty planes between Britain, Canada and U.S., each jet emitting tons of pollutants while crossing the Atlantic, with not a single passenger and only a skeleton crew on board. The whistle blower was a pilot who said, “What really set me off is the only luggage on board was mine, and they lost it.”

A study by the University of Pittsburgh says that old people who walk quickly live longer than their counterparts who walk more slowly. The study said the results held up especially for old people who walk through Newark.

Okay here is one for Friends

One day, when I was a freshman in high school,I saw a kid from my class was walking home from school. His name was Kyle.It looked like he was carrying all of his books.

I thought to myself, "Why would anyone bring home all his books on a Friday?.He must really be a nerd." I had quite a weekend planned (parties and a football game with my friends tomorrow afternoon), so I shrugged my shoulders and went on. As I was walking, I saw a bunch of kids running towards him.They ran at him, knocking all his books out of his arms and tripping him so he landed in the dirt.

His glasses went flying, and I saw them land in the grass about ten feet from him.He looked up and I saw this terrible sadness in his eyes. My heart went out to him. So, I jogged over to him and as he crawled around looking for his glasses, and I saw a tear in his eye. As I handed him his glasses, I said, "Those guys are jerks. They really should get lives."He looked at me and said, "Hey thanks!" There was a big smile on his face.It was one of those smiles that showed real gratitude.I helped him pick up his books, and asked him where he lived.

As it turned out, he lived near me, so I asked him why I had never seen him before.He said he had gone to private school before now. I would have never hung out with a private school kid before.We talked all the way home, and I carried some of his books. He turned out to be a pretty cool kid.I asked him if he wanted to play a little football with my friends.He said yes. We hung out all weekend and the more I got to know Kyle, the more I liked him, and my friends thought the same of him.

Monday morning came! , and there was Kyle with the huge stack of books again.I stopped him and said, "Boy, you are gonna really build some serious muscles with this pile of books everyday!" He just laughed and handed me half the books.

Over the next four years, Kyle and I became best friends.When we were seniors, we began to think about college. Kyle decided on Georgetown, and I was going to Duke.I knew that we would always be friends, that the miles would never be a problem. He was going to be a doctor, and I was going for business on a football scholarship.

Kyle was valedictorian of our class.I teased him all the time about being a nerd.He had to prepare a speech for graduation. I was so glad it wasn't me having to get up there and speak.Graduation day, I saw Kyle.He looked great. He was one of those guys that really found himself during high school.He filled out and actually looked good in glasses.
He had more dates than I had and all the girls loved him.Boy, sometimes I was jealous!
Today was one of those days.

I could see that he was nervous about his speech.So, I smacked him on the back and said, "Hey, big guy, you'll be great!" He looked at me with one of those looks (the really grateful one) and smiled."Thanks," he said. As he started his speech, he cleared his throat, and began,"Graduation is a time to thank those who helped you make it through those tough years. Your parents, your teachers, your siblings, maybe a coach...but mostly your friends...

I am here to tell all of you that being a friend to someone is the best gift you can give them.
I am going to tell you a story."I just looked at my friend with disbelief as he told the story of the first day we met. He had planned to kill himself over the weekend. He talked of how he had cleaned out his locker so his Mom wouldn't have to do it later and was carrying his stuff home.
He looked hard at me and gave me a little smile."Thankfully, I was saved.My friend saved me from doing the unspeakable. " I heard the gasp go through the crowd as this handsome, popular boy told us all about his weakest moment. I saw his Mom and dad looking at me and smiling that same grateful smile.

Not until that moment did I realize it's depth.Never underestimate the power of your actions.
With one small gesture, you can change a person's life.

A Very Good Joke

Bus accident

There was a terrible bus accident. Unfortunately, no one survived the accident except a monkey which was on board and there were no witnesses. The police try to investigate further but they get no results. At last, they try to interrogate the monkey. The monkey seems to respond to their questions with gestures. Seeing that, they start asking the questions.

The police chief asks, “What were the people doing on the bus?”

The monkey shakes his head in a condemning manner and starts dancing around; meaning the people were dancing and having fun.

The chief asks, “Yeah, but what else were they doing?”

The monkey uses his hand and takes it to his mouth as if holding a bottle.

The chief says, “Oh! They were drinking, huh??!” The chief continues, “Okay, were they doing anything else?”

The monkey nods his head and moves his mouth back and forth, meaning they were talking.

The chief loses his patience, “If they were having such a great time, who was driving the stupid bus then?”

The monkey cheerfully swings his arms to the sides as if grabbing a wheel.

The secret of a happy marriage

A couple was celebrating their golden wedding anniversary. Their domestic tranquillity had long been the talk of the town. A local newspaper reporter was inquiring as to the secret of their long and happy marriage. “Well, it dates back to our honeymoon,” explained the husband. “We visited the Grand Canyon and took a trip down to the bottom of the canyon by pack mule. We hadn’t gone too far when my wife’s mule stumbled. My wife quietly said, “That’s once”. We proceeded a little further when the mule stumbled again.

Once more my wife quietly said, “That’s twice”.

We hadn’t gone a half-mile when the mule stumbled a third time. My wife promptly removed a revolver from her purse and shot the mule.

I started to protest over her treatment of the mule when

she looked at me and quietly said, “That’s once.”

One Hindi

Nizaam Ki Sampatti .... Karan Ka Daan
Birla Ka Bangla .... Ambani Ke Licenses
Bhagat Singh Ka Deshprem .... Madhuri Ki Smile
Amitabh Ki Personality.... Tendulkar Ke Records
Vajpayee Ki Maryada .... Gandhi Ki Ahinsa
Meerabai Ki Bhakti.... Chandragupt Ki Shakti
Abdul Kalam Ki Vocabulary.... Daler Ka Bhangra
Rajnikanth Ki Style .....
    .....AAP ko Arpan hai

Happy Deepavali !!! ENJOY

( okay Enjoy SUN TV also sathya, sajan , su wfh?)

Affairs

The 1st Affair :

A married man was having an affair with his secretary... ....One day they went her place and made love all afternoon... ....Exhausted, they fell asleep and woke up at 8 PM........The man hurriedly dressed and told his lover to take his shoes outside
and rub them in the grass and dirt.......He put on his shoes and drove home.....'Where have you been?' his wife demanded.... ...'I can't lie to you,' he replied, 'I'm having an affair with my secretary... .....We
had sex all afternoon.' ....... 'You lying bastard! ........You' ve been playing golf!'

The 2nd Affair :

A middle-aged couple had two beaut! iful daughters but always talked
about having a son.......They decided to try one last time for the son they always wanted...... ..The wife got pregnant and delivered a healthy baby boy.......The joyful father rushed to the nursery to see his new son........He was horrified at the ugliest child he had ever seen........ He told his wife, 'There's no way I can be the father of this baby........ Look at the two beautiful daughters I fathered! Have you been fooling around behind my back?' ........ The wife smiled sweetly and replied, 'Not this time!'

The 3th Affair :

A woman was in bed with her lover when she heard her husband opening the front door........ 'Hurry,' she said, 'stand in the corner.' .......She rubbed baby oil all over him, then dusted him with talcum powder...... .'Don't move until I tell you,' she said. 'Pretend you're a statue.' ......! ...'What' s this?' the husband inquired as he entered the room.......' Oh it's a statue.' she replied. 'The Smith's bought one and I liked it
so much I got one for us, too.' .......No more was said, not even when they went to bed........Around 2 AM the husband got up, went to the kitchen and returned with a
sandwich and a beer.......' Here,' he said to the statue, 'have this. I stood like that for two days at the Smith's and nobody offered me a damned thing.' .......


The 4th Affair :

A man walked into a cafe, went to the bar and ordered a beer.......' Certainly, Sir, that'll be one cent.' .........'One
Cent?' the man thought..... ..He glanced at the menu and asked, 'How much for a nice juicy steak and a bottle of wine?' ......'A nickel,' the barman replied..... ..'A nickel?' exclaimed the man. 'Where's the guy who owns this place?' ........The bartender replied, 'Upstairs, with my wife.' ..! ....The man asked, 'What's he doing upstairs with your wife?' .......The bartender replied, 'The same thing I'm doing to his business down here.'

The 5th Affair :

Jake was dying. His wife sat at the bedside..... ...He looked up and said weakly, 'I have something I must confess.' .........'There' s no need to,' his wife replied..... ...
'No,' he insisted, 'I want to die in peace. I slept with your sister, your best friend, her best friend, and your mother!' .......'I know, I know,' she replied. 'Now just rest and let the poison work.'