Singing wife

Miranda likes to sing, and whenever she begins, her husband heads outside. Hurt, she asked him, “Don’t you like my singing?” “Of course, dear,” he replied. “I just want to make sure the neighbours know I’m not beating you.”

The month is up today

A man sat at a bar, drinking slowly. On his face was the saddest hangdog expression. The bartender asked, “What’s the matter? Are you having troubles with your wife?” The man said, “We had a fight, and she told me that she wasn’t going to speak to me for a month.” “The bartender said, “That should make you happy.” The man said, “Not if the month is up today!”