HAPPY ONAM

Tell me what you do

A doctor and a lawyer met at a party. Their conversation was interrupted repeatedly by guests asking the doctor for medical advice. Finally, the exasperated doctor turned to the lawyer and said, “Tell me, what do you do to stop people from asking you for legal advice when you’re out of the office?”
“When they ask, I give them advice,” replied the lawyer, “and then I send them a bill in the morning.”
The doctor decided to take the lawyer’s advice and for the rest of the evening wrote down the names and addresses of everyone who approached him for advice. The next morning he took out the list, just as his secretary walked into his office and handed him a bill from the lawyer.


Expensive doctors

A young woman wasn’t feeling well, and asked one her co-workers to recommend a physician.
“I know a great one in the city, but he is very expensive. Five hundred dollars for the first visit, and one hundred dollars for each one after that.”
The woman went to the doctor’s office and, trying to save a little money, cheerily announced.
“I’m back!”
Not fooled for a second, the doctor quickly examined her and said, “Very good, just continue the treatment I prescribed on your last visit.”

Some Nice Jokes

“It was mealtime on an airline and the stewardess asked the passenger if he would like dinner. “What are my choices?” he asked. She replied, “Yes or No.”

A couple was having a discussion about family finances. Finally the husband exploded, “If it weren’t for my money, the house wouldn’t be here!” The wife replied, “My dear, if it weren’t for your money I wouldn’t be here.”

Cop wants an excuse

A man was driving home late one afternoon, and he was driving above the speed limit. He notices a police car with its red lights on in his rear view mirror. He thinks, “I can outrun this guy,” so he floors it and the race is on. The cars are racing down the highway — 60, 70, 80, 90 miles an hour. Finally, as his speedometer passes 100, the guy figures “what the heck,” and gives up. He pulls over to the curb. The police officer gets out of his cruiser and approaches the car. He leans down and says “Listen mister, I’ve had a really lousy day, and I just want to go home. Give me a good excuse and I’ll let you go.” The man thought for a moment and said... “Three weeks ago, my wife ran off with a police officer. When I saw your cruiser in my rear view mirror, I thought that you were the officer and that you were trying to give her back to me!”

Standing on World's Top 200 University, India has 3, China 10 ( click to enlarge)

Stress Management 101

A lecturer, when explaining stress management to an audience, raised a glass of water and asked, "How heavy is this glass of water?"

Answers called out ranged from 8oz. to 20oz.

The lecturer replied,
"The absolute weight doesn't matter. It depends on how long you try to hold it.
"If I hold it for a minute, that's not a problem.
If I hold it for an hour, I'll have an ache in my right arm.
If I hold it for a day, you'll have to call an ambulance."
"In each case, it's the same weight, but the longer I hold it, the heavier it becomes. " He continued, "And that's the way it is with stress management.

If we carry our burdens all the time, sooner or later, as the burden becomes increasingly heavy, we won't be able to carry on. " " As with the glass of water, you have to put it down for a while and rest before holding it again. When we're refreshed, we can carry on with the burden. " "So, before you return home tonight, put the burden of work/life down. Don't carry it home. You can pick it up tomorrow." "Whatever burdens you're carrying now, let them down for a moment if you can.
Relax; pick them up later after you've rested. Life is short. Enjoy! "

And then he shared some ways of dealing with the burdens of life:

1A ** Always have chocolate handy - it is the only first aid kit you will need.
1* Accept that some days you're the pigeon, a nd some days you're the statue.
2* Always keep your words soft and sweet, just in case you have to eat them.
3* Always read stuff that will make you look good if you die in the middle of it.
4* Drive carefully. It's not only cars that can be recalled by their Maker.
5* If you can't be kind, at least have the decency to be vague.
6* If you lend someone $20 and never see that person again, it was probably worth it.
7* It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others.
8* Never buy a car you can't push.
9* Never put both feet in your mouth at the same time, because then you won't have a leg to stand on.
10* Nobody cares if you can't dance well. Just get up and dance.
11* Since it's the early worm that gets eaten by the bird, sleep late.
12* The second mouse gets the cheese.
13* When everything's coming your way, you're in the wrong lane.
14* Birthdays are good for you. The more you have, the longer you live.
15* You may be only one person in the world, but you may also be the world to one person.
16* Some mistakes are too much fun to only make once
17* We could learn a lot from crayons. Some are sharp, some are pretty and some are dull.
Some have weird names and all are different colors, but they all have to live in the same box.
18* A truly happy person is one who can enjoy the scenery on a detour.

Good Joke!!!!
Student Vs Professor

After having failed his exam in "Logistics and Organization", a student goes and confronts his lecturer about it.
Student: "Sir, do you really understand anything about the subject?"
Professor: "Surely I must. Otherwise I would not be a professor!"
Student: "Great, well then I would like to ask you a question.

If you can give me the correct answer, I will accept my mark as is and go. If you however do not know the answer, I want you give me an "A" for the exam. "
Professor: "Okay, it's a deal. So what is the question?"
Student: "What is legal, but not logical, logical,but not legal, and neither logical, nor legal?"

Even after some long and hard consideration, the professor cannot give the student an answer, and therefore changes his exam mark into an "A", as agreed.

Afterwards, the professor calls on his best student and asks him the same question. He immediately answers: "Sir, you are 63 years old and married to a 35 year old woman, which is legal, but not logical. Your wife has a 25 year old lover, which is logical, but not legal. The fact that you have given your wife's lover an "A", although he really should have failed, is neither legal, nor logical."